The "Santa Stumble" imposters
The "Running of the Santas" imposters
The "Boomerang Bus" imposters
Santa Stumble
Several years ago it came to Santa's attention that he was not the only Santa in town. It began with anecdotal sightings of other Santas, reported by civilians, and centered on Georgetown. The next year, Santa found himself being given drink specials at a bar, supposedly because Santa had called ahead and requested them -- which is something Santa would never do (of course, he did not correct the manager on this).
This made Santa curious. A quick internet search revealed the annual "Santa Stumble" event (www.santastumble.com), which consists of a charity bar crawl in Georgetown. The website include a press release, which amused Santa. Santa sent these "santa imposters" the following email:
From: Santa
Sent: Monday, December 01, 2003 1:55 PM
To: santastumble@yahoo.com
Subject: Santa Stumble 2003
HO! HO! HO! It has recently come to Santa's attention that a bunch of sorry looking yuppie santa-wanabees are hosting their "Santa Stumble" in Georgetown on the same day as Santarchy.
They even issued a press release last year after our Washington Post article came out... whining that we were giving santa a bad reputation. Ho! Ho! Ho!
"These Santarchists are nothing but holiday charlatans - Christmas-time hucksters and strip-mall phonies trading on the good name of our Santa Stumble, DC's Premier Holiday Event" the letter complained. OH NO! Because lord knows our goal has always been to be "DC's Premier Holiday Event" -- these guys must be used car salesmen or wedding singers at their day jobs.
Have fun at your carefully choreographed bar crawl, losers. And to the neglected Mrs. Claus: you're welcome to come over and find us when you realize you need the kind of loving only a real Santa can give you.
The false santas responded:
From: santastumble@yahoo.com
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2003 3:02 PM
To: Santa
Subject: RE: Santa Stumble 2003
Harsh words, my friend, though I suppose its deserved after we called you
Christmastime Hucksters. We wrote that mostly because the Georgetown bars in which we hold the Stumble didn't want us coming in after reading the Post article about your event.
These rivalries are, of course, healthy for the holiday season. We're started this for some laughs and many drinks during an otherwise dull season. Besides, those of us with wives or girlfriends weren't allowed out of weekend shopping duties, until we came-up with this dumb excuse. We then threw-in a charity to make it legitimate. Raises money for a very good cause and we get to tie one on.
We'd be happy to make note of your event if you share the details. For what its worth, we'll put it up on the Stumble site and then the "neglected" Miss Clauses of the group can make their decisions...
Merry Christmas!
After reading this, Santa felt bad for the imposters -- because they obviously lead miserable lives and are pussy whipped by their wives & girlfriends. But who was Santa to bedgrudge them a short time once a year when they could pretend to be real Santas? There's enough Santa mojo to go around. And besides, they do it for charity.
Update: In 2006, Santa stopped by the Santa Stumble gathering in Georgetown. Santa was not impressed... Hopefully we just ran into the worst of them. Either way - a very Merry Christmas to them!
The Running of the Santas
Another bar crawl, with a "fundraiser" connection.
www.runningofthesantas.com
Boomerang Bus Santas
In 2006, yet another group of santa imposters arose in the shape of a commercial bar crawl on a bus. Apparently limited to only 40 Santas(!?!!), the organizers charge Santa $30 to drive him around town to different bars. The number of bad things Santa could say about this are legion. But Santa will instead direct you to their annoying website and let you make your own judgements: www.ridetheboomerang.com/
|
